You shouldn't hang on, it's already gone.

Friday, May 11, 2007

There is something very, very wrong with my speakers. And it is really getting on my nerves, it will stop operating all of a sudden. I can't even hear any freaking sound at all, damn it. Well it is a week piled with exams and I had been suffering many sleepless nights, especially for my art and design paper, will talk about it later. So all the papers are finally over! I cannot stand take this kind of torment! Anyways people out there looking at this sentence, please kindly go to http://www.vote.youth.sg/ to vote for B14. Support my sister, thanks a lot! Deadline is on the 24th May.

So, I had been sleeping late and suffering sleepless nights is because I have to rush through two preparatory studies and think of a composition to draw on the exam day. I began to thought back to last year, things were much easy-going and I even had time to play online games on the internet. But now, I guess I was so wrong, I took things too lightly. The exam question paper was given to us three weeks in advance for our preparation, but I guess I did not care about it. Oh no! I just handed up shit work to ruth ng, I was looking at the polytechnics criteria and I reflected on how I should put in more effort in my art. What is the matter with me? Can't I just concentrate on one particular thing and make sure I get things done on time? Lord, I can't even answer You at this point. You told me to ask myself on what do I really want from myself. I don't know, but Lord, can't You just refresh me again? I have been searching but there are no traces found, they wouldn't mind, but I just can't figure out why.

I thought 4/6 was supposed to have oral today, but turns out that oral is being postponed as we are having oral together with the express students. And when I first heard the news, I was like, what the hell? I could have been sleeping at home and yet, I have to run into the school cause we were late. Oh well, can't be bothered, so went to jurong east entertainment to have our breakfast plus lunch. After that clara, puifun, shakila, samantha and yingzhen went to my house and we watched a M18 show, it is not pornographic shows! We were a bit high when we were taking photos and talking craps, really missed the times. Kind of sad whenever I began to think back, we do spend some good quality time back then. After that went to play basketball and yes, I had fun of course! I was dying to touch the basketball, due to mid-year examinations. Everytime you ask us on how well will we do, I can't help but to somehow lie again. I don't wish to do this and I can't blame you all too, the problem seriously lies within me. Each smile and laughter breaks every corner of my heart. Can I get over this?

They all changed and things are looking bright for them, but I am just standing here with blank thoughts in my mind. I told myself I wanted to get things straight and ever since then, there is this little confidence I had inside of me. It tells me that I can and must do well for things like that, but my actions now proves me wrong. I can't lie to myself, I don't want to carry on like this anymore. Everytime I set my mind towards something, something is bound to get in my way and stop me once and for all. Ranting and venting my anger on something else doesn't really helps anymore, I got to face the same situation again. I don't want to escape reality anymore, it isn't that hard to tell a person how you feel about them. I can't disguise the look inside my eyes, your cries are in vain. Keep on pushing, if you hadn't gave me shitty attitude, I wouldn't have gave you shitty results. If you saw the world through my eyes, then you wouldn't feel so high rise. I can't understand them at all, those desires they had in their mind, who are they to judge us? What I would give to have a day back then when no one really cares?

Been feeling kind of down this few weeks, hope you all wouldn't mind, plus those things I type in my entries. I don't even get it, left alone myself. This life, I have encountered tons of things and felt many kinds of emotions. Close that time, the problem is that I don't get why must I listen to what others say? Does their opinions really matters? Tears pour down and I can't ignore all those sights, it hurts everytime I see it. It's anger takes control, there is no control of it, they brought this upon themselves. This is what I saw through your eyes and I understand every single thing that is being portrayed onto your mind. At times, you feel so helpless and at a loss of what to do. No one is there for you, no one appreciated what you did and you alone, told yourself that you must overcome this. You will never get why do they treat you like this in the first place, people nowadays are so contradicting. Used to treat them as if it was their one and only one, now everything is changed for good. Nobody gives a damn anymore. You said this was your way and it was the only way to be.

Random thoughts :/

2:02 AM