You shouldn't hang on, it's already gone.
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">
Friday, November 10, 2006
I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you seriously disgust me a lot with your behaviour. So just leave me alone because i can't be bothered with you too. I seriously don't give a damn about what you think and what you want me to do. I don't owe you anything at all..
Oh yes, mdm chang told me today that i'll need to take two papers instead of one. What for make me happy for nothing? What the hell, first paper no calculator, second paper can use. Oh well, i guess there's nothing i can really do now. Let's just hope for the best that i can do well and go to 4/6. Seriously i do feel freaking pressurized when you keep saying about how confident you are with my results. It's like there's some part of me which says i'm not confident with myself too. Sometimes i really just can't get what i'm thinking sometimes, it's just too complicated for me..
Anyways, we got to wear that girl guides uniform today, AGAIN! Plus it's like cca starts so damn early today, half an hour break? Who gives a damn, i only care about me and my hair. I don't want to tie two ponytails! It's so damn freaking acting cute! Oh my goodness, hope no one can remember me and that hairstyle. So everyone was basically damn freaked out about someone from the guide headquarters coming to check on us. Last minute, someone told me instead of alsagoff coming, someone else is coming. So i was damn freaked out about that, and then that lady appeared infront of out school gate. Somehow she looked very familiar, and then i realised it's miss j.!! Goodness, i'm very scared of her, she's not a person to be messed with.
And then, i don't know whether had we screwed up the whole thing anot. I don't know and i don't want to comment on it. You wouldn't know who would be looking at my freaking stinking blog. So nothing much i guess, did some boring art and craft which i hate a lot. Cca really spoil my holidays, my week and my day. Anyways i realised that i shouldn't be drinking too much coffee already. Someone told me it's bad for my health, seriously i realised that it's been doing a lot of harm to me. And my mind is a complete blank this few days, i can't think straight at all. All because of his policy. When someone is tired, no matter how much you force that person today, i'm sure it's no use at all. The information can't be digested in your brain. Don't force me study when i'm tired!
Sorry about this post, it's just random thoughts. Life's hectic for me, people are constantly giving me high expectations. It's never ending, nor will it be for the rest of my life. You're always unhappy with my results, nothing's ever good enough for you. You don't have the trust nor faith in me, so what's the use of making you proud of me? It's always going to be a never ending cycle. But i shan't let all this spoil my day, you won't make me feel dull always. Realised that i've been getting pissed off with you very easily nowadays. I seriously don't know what am i thinking sometimes and i seriously am sorry. But the other side is always "abusing" me, and i can't show all my unhappiness infront of you. Am i really giving you a cold shoulder?
Last time, it was going great as we were together and having fun. But now, the feeling seems to be fading away. I'm not doing this just because i feel like it or whatsoever. But do you ever spare a thought for me? You want all these things and i just gave in and do what you want. But when i'm not here, you kept blaming me for all the mistakes you've committed. In the first place, i didn't tell you to do all this sort of things. What if there's a day without me? You're going to have to survive without me, you don't need to count on me. I really, really hate that attitude of yours. You don't need to make decisions for me, i make mine by myself. I'm not your fucking puppet..
What's wrong with listening to heavy/ black/ death metal music and having black as my favourite colour? You don't need to comment on it right? I like this means i like this, you have no rights to do anything about it. Plus i'm seriously not evil or whatsoever. For goodness sake, do i really look like one of those anot? Stop getting all overreacted about it, i'm not going to do anything bad. Let me have my own style, let me have my final say for just this once? Sometimes i like you and sometimes i don't. That's what others feel about you too, don't you realise it? I guessed some of them already told you your flaws. But did you take the effort to change it? You took it as a joke, and i seriously don't know what else to say anymore..
Come to think of it, many of you all wouldn't know who am i referring to in each paragraphs right? I don't give a damn too. Everytime i see it, i think back and i would constantly be lost in my thoughts. What have i gained all this years? Did i get something good out of it, or did i gain some precious memories? There's so many questions left unasked, and i wouldn't want the know the answer anymore. Have you ever maligned me? I guessed not, but it's not the outer part, it's the inside of me. You won't be able to notice all my feelings, but do you understand how i feel when i see all this? I guess not right? You'll be too busy doing all your stupid shit stuffs. Somehow, i don't really miss the feeling anymore. And i learnt that some things should be better left off unsaid..
Stupid freaking re-test, it's seriously freaking me out. Every night i would be hearing you talking about the re-test. Seriously i can see that you do expect a lot from me, but are you asking too much already? I was hoping i wouldn't get sick of it so soon, and sometimes i have all this wild thoughts in my head. I realised that what you think of the past won't totally happen in the future. Your expectations, isn't it a little bit too high, plus i never get that grade in my entire life before. I kept thinking of the future, what if i failed to reach your expectations? What would be left of you.. so much more inside
Grace Lee. 18 this year. Currently studying in Commonwealth Secondary School. I love my CCA Girl Guides. In class 1/7, 2/7, 3/6, 4/6 5/1.
27th November is my special day. Black freak. I respect all kinds of people, regardless of race or religion. Tend to get worked up whenever I hear the sound of keys ting-a-ling.
Dislike peanut butter or anything that has the word 'nut' in it. Gets high easily. Choose to vent my anger on my blog.
a new hand phone,
more clothes,
crumpler bag,
advance in my allowance,
helix piercing,
tragus piercing,
grow taller,
belt with a guitar buckle,
laptop,
do well in my studies,
new i-pod (black colour),
nike watch,
nike bag,
green/ white/ grey/ black skinny jeans,
pass O level, go poly,
more piercings,
film director,
a camera,
a new camera,
PSP,
HIM
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