You shouldn't hang on, it's already gone.

Monday, January 29, 2007

School's killing me, luckily i did have fun during the weekends. I was so shocked when they said they're conducting a spot-check, totally unexpected. Anyways, just a quick post i guess, i've got tons of homework waiting for me! Without the loss we can't go on, and with the loss we became strong. It's how it is, as we stare it down.

Anyways, went for service on saturday. Had been worrying that i cannot go for it, luckily i prayed to God before asking. God create miracles! Amen. They're having this EX3 event, keith's band won! Congrats! You should also thank me for voting for you too okay? Just joking, during service was fun, luckily i didn't cry so much. Guess God touched my heart. So after that went for steamboat with the entire unit. Which makes up a lot of people, so we cooked and ate. After that joyce tan went walking around to take random photos, thanks for everything anyways. Heard that you lost your waterbottle, don't be sad! I made some new friends there, but most of them come from far north west. Something happened when we were going to take the MRT, cui zhen and my sister wanted to race down the staircase. My "big" mouth said,"don't run! Someone's going to fall down for sure." And guess what? Cuizhen fell down. What the?

Gina and i were practically laughing at the back, anyways love you all loads! Sunday went out with my parents to clarke quay. Something really made me felt guilty all of a sudden, i just get all these strange feelings all of a sudden. I can't describe it nor can i explain it out, it brings my mood down. What kind of a person am i? I came here for a purpose and yet i chose things to turn out the other way round. Anyways during assembly, they conducted a spot-check, and i was hoping i wouldn't get caught. Mr methias walked past me and he didn't say anything at first, and then he suddenly stood beside me and said,"eh grace, cannot la, your socks is too low. Stand up stand up." And then i was stunned! My sister and yingzhen also got caught, and guess what? I have to report to mdm ker tomorrow morning just because i painted my nails black, doesn't make sense at all. Had combined humanities common test, and i didn't have time to finish it. At least i attempted all four questions, and my fingers hurt a lot!

I tried to avoid it but it just came crawling back to me. I tried to escape from this problem but something's telling me to face it. What i would give for memories that wouldn't keep me up at night. We cannot deny it's a shame that all we have is a memory that cannot kill the fear. And get out get out alive, you won't find any comfort here. When i begin, and i may have friends, some of them the best that anyone has ever known. But they have troubles; they have troubles all their own. And if you never knew then keep it buried. I should have done it all so differently and should have followed you like you wanted me. If i had known what fate would do to you, i'll avoid it for sure. Remind me of what you said life had made you do. All the dreams i had, all my future wishes put aside for a greater journey, all the things i planned. Hope all those things i said to you really touched your heart, all these comes from the bottom of my heart, i'm serious about it.

Looked up and i was thinking back at my past, why did i leave all those memories behind? Compelled to speak when not to speak, my words lead and i follow. I wanted to tell you how i feel, but what would your reaction be? Fragments of the past flash before my eyes, never ending streams of images colliding. Silhouettes of memories slowly fading away, i don't see no point in carrying on like this. Fighting for freedom, i believe in it and i must have faith, do you have the faith in me? Dear Lord, please give me the wisdom to study well, let me concentrate well in class. I don't want to regret like last time, let me just forget this once and for all. This past is the time, i regretted doing it in the first place and i was lucky enough to quit. You know what are my needs and you know how i feel. Lord, you said that if i ask, it would be given to me. So now i'm asking again, hope you'll answer me through my prayers. In jesus's name i pray, amen. I'll have faith in you as long as i live.
~~let out the hate you feel~~

6:30 PM