You shouldn't hang on, it's already gone.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Yes! School is coming to an end, well at least for now. Because the school holidays are coming soon, but the worrying part is the parent-teacher meeting. Till now, this is one thing that I am never looking forward to. Guess it is just God's plan, got a feeling that it won't turn out too well. Oh well, let time tell? Anyways got a flu, and I kept sniffing non-stop. That sound is super irritating, but I can't help it too! Dumb nose.
It is coming, the day is coming. I am sure that I am not prepared at all. How?
Thank God I did not wake up late like the day before, and thank God we did not get detention like the day before. I experienced three different kinds of detention, cleaning, physical and studying one. Promised not to be late, so I shall live up to my promise. Damn, no matter where I go, I see it. No matter where I hide, it will appear in front of me. Through this pain I refine, tearing me from within. Doesn't matter anymore, I am not afraid to show it out. Nor am I afraid to hide anything from you, what is it important that matters so much? Okay, enough for being emotional for the time being. Anyways I had been practically slacking this week, there is nothing to do in class except for math lesson of course. Mdm chang insisted on us not slacking on math, obviously she won't want us to slack. So I had been pressing my phone, listening to my i-pod and rotting for this one week in my sit. Sad, the week's ending soon, going to miss those times of me rotting and slacking in class.
Do you know how I feel when I heard news about you everywhere? It sucks.
Kind of getting frustrated over CCA stuffs again, have to type this type that, plan this plan that. It is not that I am complaining, maybe it is just me. Maybe I am just not used to being a leader of my CCA. Seems like it is a daily routine of her constantly having to find us during assembly and being all worked up cause of small matters. You are the one who is creating stress for yourself right? You don't need to shout at us and telling us that you are always begging to do this and that. Don't even bother using the old threat please, it doesn't bother me. So stayed back and planned activities over the holidays, oh man it is killing me. And on tuesday, the secondary ones were having their enrolment test. My sister took home the papers and we marked it. I was practically laughing non-stop when I saw all those answers. Anyways we tried our best to pass all of you but no valid, sorry! Tomorrow still need to bring them go bishan buy uniform, going to be a long trip there. I am not complaining thou, yeah.
I know I shouldn't be worrying, but what can I do? That is just me.
I guess you all know how I feel now, before that it seriously doesn't seem to bother me at all. Just have to wait till time comes, maybe you would treat me differently already. Is that how you would treat me when things weren't the same anymore? He promised us eternal life, now I just don't want to forsake Him. This when I encounter obstacles, I don't want to give up on You. I see You changing people's lives, my time spent with You may be short. But all I can say is that I never regretted accept Christ into my life. Really enjoyed those memories, at times, things can seem so sucky. I left things by themselves and they were rotting at a corner, it doesn't seem to be much of a distraction to me. But I guess I was so wrong again, it affected every aspects of my life. Now it just seems like I can't live without it, what is my purpose of being there in the first place? I am exhausted beyond repair, everything is being taken. It is now I see without my eyes if this is what it takes to bring me to my knees.You reminded me of who I am.
Things were not meant to be, I might as well give up on things like that.
Is what you have seen too much to take, or are you blind and seeing nothing? Are things too much to take for you? Till now, I just can't bring myself to saying all those stuffs out. Should I say I am sorry and stuffs? Everytime I failed you, I would blame myself in silence. On the outside, I may be like, it is okay! There is always a second chance, but don't you know how I feel? I failed and there will always be this flaw in my heart, I have a problem. I don't want to talk it out, the only person I feel comfortable is ranting it all on God. I know You hear me, but when will You lead me out of my troubles and disbelief? This is what I saw through your eyes, you have betrayed me for the last time. But somewhere down that line, you are going to get what's coming to you. You may get away with it the first time, but will your conscious be clear again? The battered room I have seen before, things just isn't the same anymore.
It is just a waste of time, you idiot. Why can't you just give up once and for all?!
You said your way and was the only way to be.

1:57 AM